blessing or curse

I feel my hair kink is a mixed blessing. When I was growing up I hated having my haircut, I went to a very cheap barbers and the result was always a disaster aesthetically and would get tormented terribly at school, I always dreaded going back to school having been made to go to the barber on top of that, the humiliation of the process of having to sit in a cape and then being forced to watch the whole incident by being made to face a big mirror as my hair gathered on the cape.

Now its those feelings that turn me on, the humiliation, lots of hair falling on the cape, feelings of being trapped, powerless, dominated. Its harmless and I think the majority of people have some kink, nobody is normal. I love the tension and build up at the anticipation of getting my haircut all the more so if I have no choice and have been told to go get it cut. Girlfriends have indulged me in the past, along with other games for instance I love seeing women in rollers and they have gladly set their hair for me at home or at salons I have been allowed to watch and set it myself. That fetish comes from when younger, when my hair would grow a lot because of my protests about going to the barbers and often because of a lack of finance that my parents couldn't afford to send me, cheap as it was and there wasn't a neighbor or auntie he would cut if for free. But often when I was told I was getting my haircut and if I protested then my mum would make me sit down and put some rollers in my hair to humiliate me to go and get it cut. If only she had realised the long term affect of her actions. But if she hadn't I wouldn't be enjoying my kink as mostly I do, as I said above it is harmless incredibly sensual and often fun.

Where it is a curse is when sometimes I wish I'd like to grow my hair. When I was in my late teens and twenties and left home, with the freedom to choose when I went to have it cut or not I often grew it quite long and down to my shoulders. These days I can't go longer than 8 or 9 weeks without the urge getting too strong and I can't resist it. I go and get it cut so all the hard work in resisting a salon or barbers and getting some length is gone and then the guilt and recrimination is overwhelming for a few days afterwards almost to the point of depression untill I can pull myself together again. Another example is this week. Its been 7 weeks since my last cut and my hair has gathered some length and it suits me but it did need a trim to to keep it looking well. My girlfriend booked an appointment for me at my request at my regular hairdresser, she is expensive but very talented, takes an age which of course I love and its always a very good haircut. The problem, is I know all this and I know it will not be unpredictable or be cut too short, so it is exciting going there but not a turn on. Where a few days ago I found an old fashioned barbers in Krakow where I knew I might be scalped so went in and wasn't dissapointed. So now my hair is too short my girlfriend is really fed up with me and I'm jealous of her because the appointment she made for me is today and she made one for herself as well, so she is going to have her haircut and it will look great on her and she will be indulged for an hour in the chair, I don't know if I can even bring myself to go along with her to watch. She has her hair cut very short at the moment( I influenced her, gently) but if she wanted to grow it long she would and I envy her that because I am unable to do so.

After all that definitely a mixed blessing.

I got a haircut

I'm turned on getting my haircut, even more so if I'm told or made to get it cut and even more if it is to be cut very short. I will regret it the day after or even from the moment I'm sat in the chair but the anticipation is very powerful; something that has been discussed many times on these forums.

So yesterday I was in Krakow Poland and a particular area, Nova Hutta. Nova Hutta was always held of as a model of communist utopia. It was a gift from Stalin to the Poles and was always used as an example of what communism can achieve. It is an area of fine architecture of apartment blocks, wide boulevards and many parks. It has long since past its hay day and since the collapse of communism it is an area for tourists to go and witness. I went there looking for an old fashioned no nonsense barbers with with an equally no nonsense barberette. I wasn't disapointed I soon found two such establishments. Now do I get a haircut? I speak little polish and I will definatley wish I hadn't afterwards; especially as my girlfriend has made an appointment for me in a few days time at an expensive stylists who will take her time give me a fantastic haircut that will suit me and will not be too short. My girlfriend hates it when I get it cut short and doesn't get my peccadillo. So she never makes me get a haircut. So to be made to get a haircut I have to come up with a reason or contrive the situation. I flip a coin. Three times. If the coin lands on tails 3 times then I have no choice I have to get it cut and ask for it short, that's the rules. As mentioned above there are good reasons not to get it cut so it is kind of a relief if the coin comes down on heads. The first two times came down on tails so now its 50/50 and the third time of course it was tails, I had to get my haircut, I had no choice.

I walked in, I wasn't allowed to yurn around, it was get cut short and I had no excuses; it was women to the left and men to the right, there was a single barber there waiting for a customer, there wasn't even a client already sat in a chair for me to spectate and give me a chance for second thoughts, she directed me to one of the vacant chairs. She was in her late 50's and wearing an old nylon smock. The barbers had no hint of modernity, old fashioned and traditional. As soon as I sat in the chair I was having regrets and doubting what I was doing. She put a clean white cape around me which was short and didn't cover my knees. She started to talk to me asking what I wanted I guessed, I spoke to her in broken Polish that I only wanted a little taking off. I was feeling guilty about the appointment my girlfriend had made and that if I had only a little taken off I could go there too. The barber nodded and seemed to understand this, I felt a little relieved and positioned herself to my right to start cutting at the side over my ears. She used scissor over come to cut and not buzz it, I was never buzzed as a child and maybe that's why I always prefer scissor over comb and hearing the rhythm of the scissors and the repeated fall of the hair. It was very obvious from the first cut that I was not getting just a trim I would getting a very short haircut. Long clumps of hair fell on the cape time and time again as she worked her way around. I was powerless and had to endure it, I had to sit and watch it in the mirror. Being caped and having to watch my hair being cut much too short, seeing my hair fall down I find very humiliating and its the reason why I'm there and guess, its the same for many of you reading this.

Having gone round the back and sides scissor over comb and cut it very short over my ears she then took out the clippers put on a very small guard and pushed my head down so she could tape my hair at the nape, not satisfied she removed the guard and continued to taper my nape to nothing. When happy with this she took out a cut throat razor and shaved my side burns, I have stubble over the rest of my face and then the back of my neck. She then moved on to the top of my hair which seemed very long and thick compared to the very short hair I had left above my ears. Again she went in scissor over comb after first giving me a very straight parting on my left. I never have a parting I always leave it messy on top but I neat parting I was to have. This time lots of hair was fulling in front of my eyes as she worked her way through my thick hair on the top and cut in to parted style. She combed down my fringe and without asking removed it to a length she thought was best. I sat there looking like a school boy given a very short back and sides. She looked at me in the mirror and smiled, happy with her work. She carefully removed the cape to allow all the hair to fall to the floor then got some cotton wool attached it to her come and started coming my hair with it I think to get rid of any lose hairs, it didn't matter I could feel the hair down the back of my neck for the rest of the day.

I payed her and tipped her getting one last glance in the mirror, gosh that's very short! It didn't suit me but it was exactly what I was hoping for. I get to visit Poland every other month. If the coins say so I will be going back there, I have no choice.

We are going on holiday

Sunday I arrived in Jaslo for 11 pm after after getting an 8 am bus. Met Jas' and Kasia at the station an hour later, if I'd have had my phone could have got her to pick me up earlier but it was nice sat by the fountain in the park. We went out to a hotel for lunch then up to the fish ponds to play. Kasia still being friendly and Jas' being reaaly affectionate and telling me he loves me. He liked his present a toy story binnoculers which I found dissapointing. He fell of the slide but he soon recovered. Read him a story and put him to bed we had the house to ourselves as Kasia stayed at her mum's.

The following day, today, I suggested we go away, all three of us on a little holiday. She agreed!! Going to Gdansk and around that area getting the overnight train there and back which could be exciting for Jas' or put him off holidays forever. Costs a small fortune but it should be woth the investment. Was going to get my haircut today but was torn about not going to Sian. Turns out glad I didn't as I have re arrainged flights so will be back early and can visit Sian sooner. Kasia still being nice, she went out for beer tonight

poland again

Got to Liverpool airport on time, to see a number of girls flying out to Ibiza with hair in rollers, some in full stage make up. It was a little uncomfortable saying goodbye to C as she was waiting for me to tell her I love her and would miss her but I couldn't bring myself. Yet only that morning we were in bed and I had to stop myself from saying we should have a baby!!!! Where did that come from? I don't understand myself why would I think that???

When I got to Krakow I found a branch of the hostel I was supposed to be staying at only to realise it was the wrong branch but they had a bed spare in a six bed dorm. Feelinig tired and because I knew I had to go back out to the Galleria tto get Jas' a present I took it. Big mistake, I was woken at 3 am by the spoilt teeny boppers coming back from a night out and gossiping about their nights events. What do there parents teach them these days.

Had a chat with Kasia on skype and she seemed very aimiable, maybe we have turned a corner.

back to reality

Went in to work to let them know I may be late for results day because of fracture clinic appointment. Sarah has gone, no surprises . Went in to town with C booked a hair appointment for two with Sian, wonder what she thinks of my handy work? Got pissed of with C waiting around, silent journey home. Had a three hour disco nap then C helped me pack. All done pretty soon as I'm traveling light with my recovering dislocated shoulder. Back into town to the tiger lounge. All night long I was looking at other women and wondered if they fancied me as much. Kept avoiding touching C. Think I'm going to get hit one day by a jealous boyfriend! Came home and felt very horny. Had sex, tired and drunk then sleep.

returned home.

Returned home from the Greek Islands. Sat next to a man on the plane who has an awful trip to contend with. He has to attend the funeral of his ex wife with their 13 year old daughter, his wife had committed suicide. Nothing resolved internally for me. Chloe is a wonderful woman but I don't feel any passion for her. She adores me, how do I resolve this, how do I end it? I will miss her and we have a comfortable life, but its safe I want more. It will devastate her.